Message Boards

Funny Quotes

Post ye funny quotes here, and split your sides* laughing at some of the others

I spill all my deep secrets after midnight
*11:59 am* "I like Halloween best"
*12:01 am* "I killed a man once"

"Your bra strap is showing" Yes, because as adolescent girl, I must not have boobs!

ME: I need to go to the bathroom
TEACHER: What for? ME: TO SLAY THE MIGHTY DRAGON IN THE- what do you think? 

"Do you procrastinate a lot?" Yes, I start paintings at 1:30 am when I was supposed to do them at 8:00pm you know why? Homestuck, that's why. 

"Homestuck is for nerds" Y3S, 1 SM3LL TH3 N3G4T1V1TY, SH00 N0W

ThinkGeek has an entire section dedicated to Unicorns, use the knowledge wisely.  (I'm being serious)

My life consists of 99% references, oh my glob, drama bomb, am i right?

If I ever get dumped over my obsession with Three Day's Grace, it's okay, cause misery loves my company ;)

My ideal date: We sit on the roof stargazing, the conversation starts with funny humorous jokes and then becomes us discussing the universe and it isn't even awkward.

*friends wear makeup* *looks like a victora secret model*
*i wear makeup* *looks like a panda*

That minute when you pay attention to the lyrics of a song with a seemingly happy tune and realise how freaking depressing it is.

That moment when you finally understand a song you used to sing when you were six     (Three by Britney Spears)

(some) Guys: *brushes hand lightly and seductively* no homo bro.
(some) Girls: *lifts up top* how cute is my bra? I love it. 

*around one of my friends 16 year old cousins*
Them: I can't believe someone like you hangs around him    
Me: why?    
Them: He's only just barely twelve    
Me: I am twelve  
Them: I thought you were 16, I swear

Me: *has the longest chip (fry)* YES! I WIN AT LIFE!

Oh you don't like Uptown Funk? Stop. Wait a minute. 

Me: *streaming* hey this looks interesting *three seasons in* YOU WON'T DIE AMBER, I SWEAR, THOMAS LOVES YOU. 

The intensity of my shipping put into sound waves would cause mass earthquakes. 

If someone ever has a crush on me and tells me I might die of shock. 

I fall for random strangers every day, I wonder if they ever fall for me?

Do you ever type something spelled so horribly wrong, spell check be like 'are you four or are you trying to spell the longest word in history?'? 

"What is your favourite part of puberty?" the part wear i come out looking like beyonce, when's that gonna happen? 

Beyonce: *sneezes on me*
Me: Thank you. 

Me drawing: *draws the perfect head* *draws body looking like a horse gone wrong*

Me: *draws animal*  
People: Is it supposed to be a fat rabbit?    
Me: no, it's supposed to be an elegant horse. 

I try and I try but whenever I draw hands they look like fat sausages stuck sideways on a burger. 

Friends: Come on, dance with us!    
Me: I'm not that good.
 Friends: so, who cares? come on!  
*five minutes later*
Me: I'm fairly sure bad dancing isn't a valid reason to be kicked out of a party.

Me: Right, let's do this painting. *reads another 100 pages of  Homestuck* *binge watches RPGMinx Videos* *listens to music* *goes on to NMG* *looks for more clothes* oh look it's 2 am!

Person: you're blocking the view      
Me: why would you want me to stop?

No one ever tells you the struggles of being an early bloomer, like I don't like being mistaken for a mother with my child when it's me with my older friend.

My family during Mariokart:
Me: DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT BLUE SHELLING ME MUM, I SWEAR TO GOSH.  
Mum: Oops! My finger slipped.  
Me: OH MY GOSH YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!  
Dad: AND THE UNDERDOG BURSTS THROUGH THE FINISHING LINE, VICTORIOUS!  
Me: OH HECK NO, I WILL COMPLETELY DESTROY YOU IN THE NEXT RACE, JUST YOU WATCH  
Mum: It's just a game Roxi    
Me: Take that back, or you are banned from ever playing Mariokart again    
Dad: You're getting really caught up in this    
Me: I'M BEING PERFECTLY RATIONAL!

If you tickle me, you will see two sides of my personality at once. One will be giggling and laughing cutely, the other will be cussing and homicidal. Just be prepared to see them both at once. 

Friend: It's so weird to think that the person you'll marry is on this earth right now    
Me: yeah    
Friend: What do you think yours is doing right now?      
Me:.....YOU CAN'T MAKE THAT LAVA JUMP!

Idiot  Person: Hey there's a cat, let's kick it!  
Me: Lay a finger on this animal and I will punch you. 

Considering how sarcastic I am, I don't think I'll be able to hold up a job. 

"You wore that shirt a week ago" Yes, because I own it and have a wonderful thing called a washing machine. 

Parents: If you lost it, you must not of cared about it  
Me: You've lost me in the grocery store a few times, what are you saying? 

Lets high five with lips! 

Mum: Don't ever get hooked on drugs.  
Me: I get nervous around Pink Lemonade, what made you think I'd do drugs?

I hope you appreciate these because I just spent a solid hour writing them you're welcome. 

*please don't actually split your sides I don't like legal fees or gory stuff. 

You need to be a member of NMG Members to add comments!

Email me when people reply –

Replies

    • xD
  • Police officer: You’re arrested for being on a website
    Me: ‘Kay, just lemme get my Uno deck, can’t live without that
  • Best of Veronica 2018

    Mom: Hey, I’m going to somebody’s house to watch the wedding at about 3:00 AM, say “tally ho!” if you want to come!
    Me: TALLY NO

    Me: Okay, I have an idea, and this time I’m SURE it’s never been used before! Human versions of countries-
    Friend: Hetalia
    Me: OH, COME ON

    Me: *is playing a video game*
    Friend: Hey, can I play?
    Me: Sure!
    *later*
    Me: M-maybe you should just... NO DON’T STAND IN THE AOE YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME DIE

    Me: So, as you can see, this is just a normal Google Doc for my French thing, but if you scroll down...
    Me: You see how to summon a demon. I have such a lovely group.
    • Wow. Are your demon-summoning methods the same as mine? XD
      (nah, you probably won’t get this... ignore me)
    • xD The video game one is my favorite!
      • It’s my third favorite
        Probably because I associate it with my friend making my group wipe in a fairly easy dungeon xD
    • XD
  • Me carrying my viola case:
    Friend: Is that a large violin in that case?
    Me: Nope!
    Him: Is it a small cello?
    Me: Sorry, no.
    Him: Is it a really small upright bass?
    Me: Yup. That's what it is.
This reply was deleted.

Sister to Sister Message Board

Mod S2S Mentor

Getting a counselor

I sometimes feel like I want someone not in my family or one of my bffs to talk to. So the right thing to do would to get a counsellor right? But I have two issues. One: how do I ask my mom for one? I feel so scared of asking her. Two: can I trust a counsellor or will they make guesses about my family life that are untrue because of something I tell them. Please answer honestly for two!  - Anonymous   Hello. I completely understand where you’re coming from. I used to see a counselor myself,…

Read more…
0 Replies
Mod S2S Mentor

Lots of Friendship Problems

“I've been having A LOT of friendship problems at the moment, and I'm finding it hard to sustain the majority of my "friendships", should I say? I have this one friend who's NEVER apologised to me. I can't tell her because she's really sensitive, and would bite my head off (theoretically, of course). We've had fights like that. Another thing is for them to stop texting me when they're bored 'cause it makes me feel like I'm thier last option. I really need help!” -Emily Communication is very…

Read more…
4 Replies · Reply by Avers Nov 10
Mod S2S Mentor

Menstrual Cycle Schedule

“Is it okay not to have your period at the beginning of the week in a new month but have it the next week?” - Anonymous   Hi there, Good news: Yes, not only is it okay to have some inconsistency in your period schedule, it’s also totally normal! Especially when you’re younger and/or relatively new to menstruating (although, for some people, this can apply later on as well), it’s very common for your period not to follow a precise monthly pattern. Many people might not get their period again…

Read more…
3 Replies · Reply by Siridough on Monday
Mod S2S Mentor

Finding a time to cry

I am really sensitive and really want to cry ALL the time. Most of the time I can hold it back. But eventually I just spill over. I see a lot of people who say it’s okay to cry but I feel like my family acts like it isn’t. I just want to cry.  - Anonymous   Hi there. That does sound like a problem, but not on your part at all. I’m terribly sorry your family is being unreasonable about your need to cry. I certainly know all about crying – I cry at pretty much every emotion, so I get that you…

Read more…
2 Replies · Reply by Rayna the Ravenpuff on Wednesday

Ask A Girl: Need advice? Give great advice? We help each other! Ask your questions or answer any of the questions already here. Your post will appear in a day or two, so check back often. We've had many girls ask if their questions can be anonymous, and that is not possible on this website. We want you to know that girls in NMG can trust each other, even with embarrassing questions. And if you want to, you can change your user name to a "not real" name that will then also be used in the magazine if your Ask A Girl question is published.

Letters To Luna: I'm Luna, the spirit of New Moon. Write a letter to me with your opinions and suggestions about the magazine and website. I love to read all your notes! Because I get so many letters, I can't reply online. But a select few letters get published in each issue!

Body & Feelings: Body image, mood swings, puberty, your first period, and so much more! The information girls need!

Check It Out: Share your rants and raves about books, magazines, movies, products, music, ads, tv, internet and more. Love it? Hate it? Let us know!

For The Curious: How does stuff in our world happen? Post and ask about experiments, tech, coding, math,  science, engineering, and more!  It's all about the weird, wonderful, and wacky! Be curious and be surprised.

Go Girls & Women Change the World: Amazing girls and women make the world a better place every day. Tell us about who you admire - now and from the past.  These don't have to be people who are already famous!

How Aggravating & Howl at the Moon: Tell us when you see something that's unfair to girls and women -you can vent about it here! And, Howl out your accomplishments and the things that make you proud as a person and a girl!

Love Remembers: Whether it's losing a beloved pet or a cherished person, loss is painful and can be difficult to cope with. But talking about our loved ones and keeping their memories alive can help. Share your beautiful memories here.

Random Stuff: Want a place to be silly, start message board games, or talk about stuff that doesn't fit into the other categories? Then check out this message board!

Role Play: Do you like role playing games? RPG’s are games where players (that’s you!) play the roles of characters in a fictional setting and have all kinds of adventures. See where the stories take you!

Voice Box: We can have different opinions and still be friends and listen respectfully to each other. We're interested to learn about other people's points of view and we don't have to try to convince them to think like we do. This is where we share opinions about issues that are important to us.

Contests & Games: Do you love creating new contests or games for everyone to play? Do you love playing in them? This is the place for you to make your own contests and games and invite everyone to participate! Remember, just like everywhere else on NMGMembers.com, if you make a contest or game, it must be open to everyone who wants to join in!