Luna's Blog

Mod S2S Mentor

Sister to Sister: Feeling Left Out

How many of you have felt like an outsider in a group of friends? I often do. It can feel like they all like each other more than they like me, like no one notices me, like maybe they hate me, et cetera. I’ve found some ways I can deal with this, though--for those of you who may feel similarly, here are several:

-If you want to spend time with a friend, let them know! I get very anxious about doing this (what if they don’t want to spend time with me, I haven’t asked them to spend time with me before, what if they think I’m being two-faced, what if I AM being two-faced . . .) but the thing is, they can’t know you want to spend time with them unless you tell them. And in my experience, the longer I wait, the more anxious I get, and I feel better after I get it over with, no matter the other person’s response.

-More generally--talk to your friends. Even if you’re worried they don’t like you, if you’ll say something stupid, etc., it’ll be better for showing your friends you want to talk to them than waiting around for them to talk to you will. I’ve done that, and while sometimes people notice I’m not part of the conversation and talk to me, more often it just leads to me feeling more left out. I think of it like this--if I’m not talking to them, they may be assuming I don’t want to.

-I use social media less than many of my friends do, which is sometimes what makes me feel left out. Part of this for me is I feel like I don’t “get” the etiquette of different social media sites, so if you have that problem, I’d say ask someone who does seem to “get it” for advice, or just post/send people what you want. Chances are you won’t mess up as much as you think. On the other hand, if you don’t WANT to use social media as much as your friends do, you can find other ways to connect with them. For example, a lot of my friends post things for each other online on birthdays, which I don’t, and on one friend’s birthday I gave her a letter about things I appreciate about her. Not everything on social media has a similar substitute, but if you let your friends know it’s not your thing, it may be easier to work around.

A final note: sometimes, someone won’t want to be your friend. That can be really tough, but if it happens--give them space, spend time with other people, if you need talk it out with someone you trust or write about it in a journal, try to get your mind off it if it’s especially thought-consuming. Even if this person (or group) doesn’t want to be friends with you, there are people who will.

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Mod S2S Mentor

I'm Catherine, and I'm 17. I love writing (though I don't do as much of it as I'd like), and I'm also very serious about dance.

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  • i totally understand how you feel! it happens to me all the time! i'm 10 by the way!
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